The Canine Guru’s Guide to Happiness
In 6th century BC, an unassuming Nepalese prince called Siddhartha Gautama changed the world. He didn’t want wealth, fame or his own YouTube channel, he just wanted to ease human suffering. Over two and half thousand years later, Inca arrived on the scene. Different species; same message: this is how you get happy.
How do you define happiness? For me, it is the absence of fear, or the desire for possessions, a person, or another piece of delicious red velvet cake. Happiness means experiencing the joy of the moment, self-reliance and making others content. If I’ve got that balance right, then all is well in the world. This happens just about…never. As soon as I start comparing my life to the seemingly well-adjusted people I know, Insecurity, Self-pity’s less out-going sister, jumps on my back and demands I take her to the garage to buy chocolate. This is not the answer (although Dairy Milk did get me through two pregnancies).
If ever there was a time to scrape together some happiness, 2020 has got to be it. But the anxiety many of us are feeling is not caused by a pandemic; nationalistic selfishness, isolationism and fear is what’s really infecting humanity.
The other day, I was listening to the birds having a party in the trees outside my bedroom window, and Inca and I were discussing the topic of despondency. He lay at the end of the bed, chewing whatever small creature was making a home in his leg fur, until the words, “got to get some faith in the human race,” grabbed his attention. (O.K. it was probably the fly, but let’s not allow the truth to get in the way of a good story.) He studied me with those coal black eyes, padded up the duvet and turned to bark at the adult-sized Buddha bust sitting on the chest of drawers.
This particular piece of ‘art’ is a worm-eaten wooden decapitation that I picked up in Camden Market in London, circa 1998.
“Oh no, my furry friend; you’ve got it wrong. I’m not a Buddhist, I just liked the look on his face. Cost me £50, cash. A bargain.”
This was not the spiritual response the dog was looking for. He hopped off the bed.
“You don’t know what it was like,” I yelled at his departing affronted behind, “I lived in a damp basement that was regularly broken into by local junkies and he just made me feel, you know…safe.”
I’ve moved eight times in my adult life. In each home this carving has found somewhere to sit and smile to himself like he knows a secret I might one day discover. I’ve never thought anything of it, but the damned dog, he has a way of making me contemplate things.
When it comes to Buddhism, I’m part interested lay person/part ignoramus, so please feel free to correct me, but Buddhism is the only party in town that rejects extremes. Asceticism should be left in the taxi that brings you to its door. Pain is not something to be endured, so self-flagellation rituals must be deposited in the coat check before you hit the dance floor. And best of all, there’s no god to worship. You can leave your gifts, wine and sacrificial first born at home. Praise be. In fact, Buddha was actually critical of worship. Can you imagine a religion – I’m including those of Capitalism and Kanye West in the list – that genuinely looks down on idolatry? Now, that would be heaven. Unlike the Catholicism I was raised on, there’s nothing to be feared. Well, that’s not quite true, Buddhism is the one religion that tells you to live fully in fear and notice how it doesn’t affect the outcome one bit. Plus, it’s got all these add-ons, such as rebirth, my weapon of choice during a child’s existential angst – which happens a lot in our house.
“Mum, when you die can I give birth to you?” asks my daughter.
“Sure, sure, I’d love that.”
“What??? I want to give birth to Mum,” says my son.
“You can both give birth to me, but can we get in the car now and go visit Grandma. Who knows, you might get to give birth to her before me.”
Buddhist ethos seems a little bleak in its premise. Life is suffering (Dukkha); Dukkha arises from craving/ attachment (Samudaya); this can be eliminated with a lot of meditation, kindness, thinking before you do things, trying to do the right thing, becoming wise from not doing the right thing, caring about your community, a bit more meditation, and then you reach Nirvana, while still alive. None of this waiting around to meet St Peter. Nirvana means ‘blowing out’ or ‘quenching’ – the cessation of suffering.
Who wouldn’t want that? But for a busy working mum, there are just too many lists and numbers to get into it. There are: the Three Universal Truths, Four Noble Truths, the Noble Eightfold path, which gets divided into categories of three points each. And that’s before the 423 verses in 26 chapters of the Dhammapada.
“This is starting to sound like home-schooling, Inca.” He smiled like Buddha himself. It was creepy.
I told him to let it go. I was not going to suddenly start meditating or head off to Plum Village in France to become one with a butterfly. I set the dog a challenge. “OK Mr Doodles, you think you’re so zen, show me.”
Lesson 1
Stop and smell the roses (Inca)/Mindfulness (Buddha)
When Inca isn’t going insane over his need to chase a rubber ball, he will pause to study a flower. You could argue he’s inhaling the pheromone graffiti of a fellow beast, but often times he just sits down, leans in and smells. He seems to be analysing the stigma, and when he slows, I am forced to slow.
“Oh come on, I’ve got other things to do, you know. Kitchen floor to clean, teacher to pretend to be.” He ignores me, like my students, who have been left at home to ‘study’ TikTok.
I can see why he is so fascinated; Nature is awesome.
There are times, when, after a covid-clad trip to the shops, I wash strawberries and marvel at their perfect seed symmetry. I can lose whole minutes, blocking out the sound of the children arguing.
Most mornings Inca sits outside, looking up at the neighbour’s bottle brush tree and the sky beyond. Occasionally, I’ll sit with him and notice the white shadow of the moon against the blue. I also notice my thoughts, without judgment. I become aware that I am having them. Normally they involve food and if I can persuade my daughter to make more of those gooey cookies. Buddhists call this ‘bare awareness’: the path to enlightenment.
“Living mindfully and with concentration, we see a deeper reality and are able to witness impermanence without fear, anger or despair.”
Wouldn’t that be nice?
Lesson 2
Let a human hug you and warble on (Inca)/Be more compassionate and practise deep listening (Buddha)
Often, Inca can be found sitting on the lap of an adolescent, listening to insurmountable problems – such as censored Xbox time or an evil sister – and he nods as if he could do something about these horrors. Talking to dogs is especially relevant for young men, who have a hard time expressing their feelings. To my face, my son is completely fine with the world, and then I hear him telling the dog, “I just don’t see why I can’t play basketball because of some virus. What’s going to happen Inca? Will basketball be cancelled forever?”
Inca doesn’t say anything, but his furry, non-judgmental presence is enough. I have offered to listen, but I’m met with the simple answer.
“Thanks Mum, but you’re not Inca.”
I’m reduced to eavesdropping on a canine psychotherapist to get the intel I need in order to help.
Lesson 3
Let it all hang out (Inca)/Let go of ego (Buddha)
Buddhists believe ego doesn’t exist, because we are not really real. Welcome to The Matrix, people. There is no real self; we are all part of impermanence. What you do (as long as it isn’t hurting others), how you look, is all fundamentally meaningless. This is a great relief for those of us with nihilistic leanings, have been furloughed and can’t get a waxing.
Inca doesn’t care one iota about how he looks or what he does for a living. This is a damned good thing because his career to date has involved, eating, sleeping and running into salty water. With lockdown came the closure of dog grooming services and he quickly became a black rug on legs. Having watched how fast he can move at the sight of a squirrel, I wasn’t going to risk approaching his eyes with a pair of scissors. The more hair he grew the happier he seemed to be, like some barking Robinson Crusoe.
We humans need to be more like this. An awful lot of time and money goes on creams, cuts, fads, and promises, hoping to fit in, stave off, fight change. (Sorry if I’m generalising, but this is what I have witnessed). Once we hit thirty, we begin the backward run to reclaim our youth, as we try to stay valuable in an Insta influenced society. Well, Inca ate my last batch of expensive stem cell, living algae promises. He was violently sick.
Lesson 4
All suffering comes from fear (Buddha)/What’s fear? (Inca)
Fear is a wild animal that sits in our brains just waiting to be called on to kill something. Right now, more than ever, we’re all living in fear. I’m the worst for this, catastrophising what hasn’t even happened yet. “But what if, one day, in the distant future we’re not in love anymore? I think we should just be friends and avoid all the drama in the middle.”
Buddha tells us to smile at fear, which is a very brave thing to say from a man whose family members and the odd elephant tried to kill him. According to him, fear is just a dot, a nothing, and is the precursor to courage. Our Mara (inner demons) are the only things preventing us from living fully.
Inca, on the other hand, does not recognise fear. He bounds up to it and sniffs its backside. Often, dogs five times his size, drool close by and Inca will bound over for a tussle. Surprisingly they aren’t irritated by the upstart, and I am always surprised he leaves with his limbs intact. I’ve watched him take on a discarded crisp packet with the same enthusiasm, and I’ve watched him dive into the massive body of water that separates us from France as if it were a puddle.
Lesson 5
Kiss everyone (Inca)/Practise Loving Kindness (Buddha)
According to Buddha, other people’s opinion of you is none of your business. Those who intentionally make your life difficult should be treated with ‘Loving Kindness’. This is a challenge in the face of other people’s bullshit, whether it is gossip or outright bullying.
But Buddhism teaches that no one harms another person unless they are in pain themselves, and the feelings of anger, attachment, jealousy and arrogance are ‘poisons’, that we must extract from our lives.
That’s all very well in theory, but in practise such a state can be hard to achieve, even for Buddhists. (Did someone say, ‘Myanmar’?)
Inca doesn’t recognise the boundaries of petty human emotions. When we first got him, my ex-husband told me that I was insane. A common accusation between us and one I would normally brush off, but in this instance he was right. Before lockdown I was travelling to London most days of the week. The ex told me via text. “Let me be 100% clear, I will never help with the dog.” This was fair enough, why should he?
Then he and Inca met. It was love at first sight. I was forced to accept that when it comes to Inca’s heart, it definitely belongs to the ex and vice versa. Now, when the children go to stay for the weekends, it is never even a question as to whether Inca will go with them – Inca is first through the door, and their father greets the hound before he even notices his children. We have all come to accept this.
It is impossible to resent a person who loves your dog as much as you. Inca the ameliorator.
If, like me, you can’t quite face taking on the project of a new life path or religion in order to be happy, fear not, all you have to do is get yourself a dog. They will show you the way. But while Inca is an accidental guru, I think, out of respect for Buddhism, I will give the last word to an actual guru, the Dalai Lama.
“I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience, I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warm hearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears and insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with the obstacles we encounter.”
Or, “Woof,” as Inca would say.
For more info, listen to the wonderful, Alan Watts